i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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