it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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