It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize