my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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