R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
