I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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