My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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