At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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