she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
