Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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