i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
