Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
