You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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