he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
