Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
