I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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