We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
