I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
