His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
