Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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