Will you blow on my dice?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
