dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize