I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
