Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
