Someone shit on the floor
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
