Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
