he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
