i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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