please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You ruined the universe
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
