What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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