Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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