You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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