he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
