i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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