My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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