How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
