maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I need to stop coming to work sober
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
