i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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