Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The air was thick with penises
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
They have beer where we have blood.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
