I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
