he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
how drunk are you?
Several
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
