Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
