tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
