ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
