I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
