i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
