Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
