just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
