my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
