I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
