If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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