Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
