if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
