I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
