Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize