Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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