Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
