i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
