I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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