are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
