So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
