Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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