I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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