she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
