i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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