I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
