it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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