I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
