Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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