I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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