I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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