she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
