I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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