I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
