can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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