I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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